The Y2K Toilet
The Y2K Toilet is the sixty-fifth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls. Transcript (ringback tone) 'Man: '''Hello, (censored). '''Milton: '''Oh, thank God you've answered! Let me speak to the jackass that installed this toilet! '''Man: '''Hello? '''Milton: '''Yes, are you hard of hearing?! '''Man: '''Who are you, first of all? And you need to relax and quit hollerin' at me. '''Milton: '''My name is Milton and I wanna speak to the moron that put in this toilet bowl! '''Man: '''I don't know who you are, first of all. What's your ad- '''Milton: '''I'm a customer and I had a toilet bowl installed and obviously some schmuck put it in! ''(faint country music in background) 'Man: '.....what is your address? 'Milton: '''My address is 1413 Flika-Flaka Lane! '''Man: '''1415 what? '''Milton: '''No! 1413! Flika! Flaka! Lane! '''Man: '.....I think you got the wrong number. 'Milton: '''No, I don't! It was your company that put in this new toilet bowl! '''Man: '''When was this? '''Milton: '''Back in April! '''Man: '......alrighty. W-how do you spell that address? 'Milton: '''F-L-I-K-A! Hyphen! F-L-A-K-A!....I just read in the newspaper that my toilet will not work after January 1st, 2000 because of Y2K compliance problems! '''Man: '''Hmm.... ''(country music continues to play in the background) 'Man: '''Well, I'll be... '''Milton: '''Will you please turn that stinking music down in the background?! I can't hear a word you're saying! ''(man hangs up) (ringback tone) 'Man: '''Hello, (censored). '''Milton: '''Excuse me, you hung up on me! '''Man: '''Look, I don't know what you're talking about- I never heard of this before, I have no idea what you're talkin' about. '''Milton: '''Do you always treat your customers this way?! It's bad enough that you installed- '''Man: '''I wou-I would reinterate this again- what kind of toilet did you had- did you have installed? '''Milton: '''I had a toilet that you sit on! What do ya mean 'what kind of toilet'? What kind of t-how many toilets are there?! I had you come out and you install the toilet to replace the old toilet and now I find out that I've been gypped! '''Man: '''How-you, how'd you find that out? '''Milton: '''Because it was in the newspaper this morning that my toilet won't work after January because you put in an old, non-compliant toilet! '''Man: '''Ooh boy!.......Do you have a copy of your receipt there? '''Milton: '''Yes, I do! '''Man: '''Who in-who installed this? '''Milton: '''It looks like Barry! '''Man: '''Barry? '''Milton: '''Yes! '''Man: '''Don't have nobody that works here named Barry. '''Milton: '''Billy, then! I can't read this chicken scratch hand writing- it looks like a second grader filled this form out! What kind of morons do you employ there?! '''Man: '''Well, you ne-you need to, you need to calm down on your tone of voice. '''Milton: '''You need to shut the hell up and be nice to me! '''Man: '''I tell you what, buddy. '''Milton: '''Yeah, what?! '''Man: '''I'm about to knock your (censored) teeth out with a hammer. I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you holler at me. '''Milton: '''Okay, I won't yell anymore! But I had this toilet installed- '''Man: '''There's no such thing as a- uh, F-Y compliant whatever...the-there's nothing, there's no computer in the toilet. '''Milton: '''No, I think that you're a bunch of imbeciles that are trying to scam the elderly! '''Man: '''Ahh- I don't know what you're talking about, uh- and you have a good day. '''Milton: '''No! Listen! Don't hang up on me! I want- '''Man: '''What do you want me to do?! '''Milton: '''I want you to get off your big ass and quit playing country music and come fix my toilet! '''Man: '''I tell you what- you go call somebody else. Have a good day. ''(man hangs up) (ringback tone) 'Man: '''Ma'am, there's no such thing as a Y2K compliant toilet! '''Milton: '''No! I'm a sir! I'm not a ma'am! I'm in the bathroom- '''Man: '''Well, whatever! '''Milton: '''I'm in the bathroom right now and I'm gonna flush it for you- listen to the noise it's making! Are you ready? '''Man: '''Oh, go ahead! '''Milton: '''Listen to this! ''(toilet flushes and siren blares) 'Milton: '''Did ya hear that?! In the paper this morning, it said if you flush your toilet and it starts beeping that it's not a Y2K compliant toilet and it will not work after January- '''Man: '''You need to call the CIA or somebody. Maybe-maybe it's the Russians got a bug in it. '''Milton: '''What are you talk-are you making fun of me?! '''Man: '''I'm telling you there's no such thing as a Y2K toilet. '''Milton: '''You're a liar! '''Man: '''Goodbye! '''Milton: '''You're a liar! ''(man hangs up) (ringback tone) 'Man: '(censored). 'Milton: '''Yes! '''Man: '''Look! You keep calling me, imma have the police on you! '''Milton: '''Don't hang up! '''Man: '''Look, I don't have all day to talk to you, okay? '''Milton: '''I would like a service call, please, to check out the toilet that you installed. It was okay when you wanted the money to put the new toilet in, you were just 'grab-grab-grab' for the 'check-check-check'! But now that I've got a problem after the sale, you don't wanna stand behind my toilet! '''Man: '''Flika-Flaka Drive, huh?.....is that Drive or Street? '''Milton: '''That's Lane. And it happens to be an Indian name. '''Man: '''Is that right? '''Milton: '''It's an Iroquois Indian name! '''Man: '''Oh. '''Milton: '''I want somebody to come out now within the next hour and yank- '''Man: '''Well, what you want and what you gonna get's two different things. '''Milton: '''I want you to send somebody out to yank this non-compliant- '''Man: '''No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We ain't gonna be pulling no toilets today. '''Milton: '''No, yes you are! '''Man: '''No we're not! '''Milton: '''Yes you- '''Man: '''Now you have a good day, I'm gonna hang up. I've got work to do. Bye-bye! ''(Milton stammering, man hangs up) (ringback tone) 'Man: '''Hello, (censored). '''Milton: '''I just got off the phone with the Better Business Bureau and I'm filing a complaint! '''Man: '''Look....I don't know if you're drinking or what, but you need to go relax and chill out... '''Milton: '''No! You ne- '''Man: '''If you keep calling me, I'm gonna call the police for harassing me. '''Milton: '''That's it! You've forced me to come down there and poop on your head! '''Man: '''You call here again, I'm gonna break your (censored) toilet over your head! ''(man hangs up) Trivia *This is the second Crotchety call to focus on the infamous Y2K scare that took place during the final months of 1999 (the other being Y2K Survival Kit), centered around a computer programming bug known as the Y2K bug. *Y2K compliance is basically the ability of a computer to be able to process the year 2000. During the Y2K scare, it was believed that non-Y2K compliant electronics would fail after January 1st, 2000 because of the Y2K bug and cause a kind of global blackout. *The Better Business Bureau is an organization dedicated to critiquing businesses and their practices, usually to make them more consumer-friendly. Category:Prank calls